Talk about the opposite of last weekend....

Today has not be a good day for me at all. Of course the fact that I have yet to really go to sleep probably isn't helping at all. I slept like crap Friday night which should have been a sign to me that something was up and then the dream I did have was kind of more like a nightmare, well for me anyway. That's what Saturday was, well part of it. My circle of life has come around to that part I hate once again. And I'm back on the path of trying to mend a broken heart. You know how that goes. Wondering what (if anything) could have been done differently. And with my mind that's a millon times worse in fact that's why I'm not in bed right now. I can't sleep. I've tried to close my eyes but it's a flood of memories and thoughts and just so much stuff hitting me at once that I can't take it. I'm wearing out the one song on the CD too. It's Brandy's song and it's called Tomorrow. I can say I've honestly listened to it probably over 100 times today. And what makes today even better is that I'm fighting a nice cold and my ears keep getting stuffed up and I can barely breath and my throat is bothering me a little. I don't think crying helps any of that either.

You know I just keep wondering when it's going to be my time. I see so many other people happy in relationships or marriages and I'm still struggling to find anything. Am I that bad? Haha! Sorry but have to throw a little humor out there. I look at how happy Nikki and Joe are and I envy that so much. I just seem to be the tease. Life loves to tease me and I'll tell you what along with racist people...I've now added people who play mind games to my list of things I hate. It's like life sucks enough on it's own and can be hard enough...don't make it worse on me by playing with my mind and my emotions. I'm not a bad person. I could maybe understand that if I was some bitch that deserved it but I'm far from that. Maybe this whole situation is another learning lesson for me to learn that although it may be scary to open up to someone and tell them just exactly how you feel...it's better to do it then wait and see them run off to someone else. I should be a genius with all the lessons I learn the hard way. Although if I was a genius my ass would be in bed since getting sick and getting no sleep is not a good combination at all. Although I can sleep in Thursday! But will that matter since I'll probably be up past like 2:30 the night before?? So where do I stand now? I'm definitely not looking for any relationship right now cause this situation right now...ouch. Gotta get over it first before I can even attempt to put my heart back out there again.

But hey no worries...I'll make it through this. I always do some how even when I think a situation has gotten me beat I seem to find a way through whether it's own my own or with the help of my friends. As the saying goes...it just wasn't meant to be no matter what I thought or felt. Maybe that's another lesson...stop trusting myself. LOL Is that possible?? Okay I'm off to try and get some sleep even if I have to take a sleeping pill to make me a bit drowsy.