Back to behaving I go or attempt to....

Well to make a long story short...my one "friends with benefits" deal came to an end recently. He basically decided to give an ex a 2nd chance and yeah I'm left with nothing. There's more to it then just him giving her a 2nd chance but I can't really get into all of it, nor do I want to. He feels it's the right thing to do and I hope it works out for him. Do I think it will? Well let's just say I'm a firm believer of actions speaking louder then words. I know just from personal experience that saying you've changed doesn't usually mean a damn thing. Proving you've changed is what matters more and shows more to me. So yes I'm completely back in the single world and back to trying to control those urges of needing the sexual aspect of a relationship. Yep it blows big time. I hate it. And considering my luck with men...it just gives me more reason to hate being single. *sigh* I know eventually my time will come to be lucky and find that one man but the waiting is what kills me. The waiting is what drives me insane and makes me lose hope in romance and love. I guess it doesn't help when I look at my parents and see two people who have been married for almost 36 years and are soo happy and in love with each other. It doesn't help that I know by the age of 26 (which I'm approaching)...my mother was the mother of 3 children with a 4th on the way. By comparasion my life seems so empty. I know I shouldn't compare because different times and different people but it's hard. So many of my friends are married or have a child or someone to love in their lives. Besides friends and family...I've got no one. And as the saying goes...I'm not getting any younger.

I could ramble on but I don't want to depress myself or anyone else that might stumble upon this and read it. I just needed to vent a bit. I mean when your life seems like one big circle from time to time you just need to scream and vent about it. Of course it never helps when you know you have so much to offer a guy and you seem nice guys (or the ones you'd consider nice and good) getting screwed over by bitches and burned by them. So yep back to the single life I go and back to trying to control myself and not pounce on a hot guy simply because he'll put out. LOL I swear sometimes that I'm a female with a man's sexual drive trapped inside of me. Plus I'm not happy today because I wanted to listen to my one Linkin Park CD and what do I do? I pick it up and end up leaving it at home! Damn me!!! I'm in a mood where I need to listen to it. Oh well I'll have to wait till I get home.