Ohhh bad drunken messages!!!

Ya know I really need to avoid the computer when I'm drunk. Sure I might write some funny blog entries when I'm drunk but damn I also end up doing the drunken emails and instant messages too. LMAO!!! Before I go on I'll post this little Dear Alcohol letter. I don't know who wrote it or where it started but it's funny as hell and soo true.

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Dear Alcohol, First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-s when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.


Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership. Thank you, Your biggest fan

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With that said back to the entry at hand....#1 could also turn into emails and instant messages. At least with emails you have the sent copy so you can see what stupid things you admitted to. But with phone calls and instant messages if you don't remember...you're screwed!! Now I knew I had done a drunken email this past Saturday but didn't know there was a drunken instant message in there too. Damn me! In it I told the person I had something to ask them but didn't have the balls to ask them. Just a little bit ago they were like what? So of course I was like what's the what for? And they were like go ahead and ask me. While I sat there scratching my head going what the hell!

I'm not 100% sure I remember what I wanted to ask them. I think I remember what it was but it's honestly not something I want to ask. LOL At least not sober that is. So now I either back pedal and say I'm too much of a chicken sh*t to ask or I ask them and see what happens. Hence another reason I hate alcohol...brings out that courage you usually lack when sober. Plus it sometimes makes me run my mouth when I should shut the hell up. LOL Now I really need to kick my own ass because I'm pretty sure now what I wanted to ask and it's not something I wanted to ask anymore. Damn me! I guess eventually I'll update on how it went. But it's one of two things that I possibly could have wanted to ask. Hmm which one might be the best option if any.