Just can't stop

I know I'm such a blogging machine this week. It's one of those weeks for me. I just have too much swimming around in my head not to vent it out. And last night I stumbled back upon the fact that I know I don't like being single. Deep down I still ache to find that person that will complete my life...that person that is just going to make me feel on top of the world and is going to show me each day just how much I can love someone. No matter how many times I try to tell myself I'm happy being single and that it's not bad, it never works. Deep down I know what I really want and not having it just sucks some times. Most of the time I can tolerate it at best, but once in a while it's just too much. Once in a while I look at those that have it and I'm jealous of what they have. I'm jealous they get to sit back and try to make it work and wonder if that person is the one for them.

So once again I'm back to a point where I have to try to brainwash myself into being happy with the single life and to not try to look for someone. Granted I haven't been going over the top looking but I know I still have been slightly looking. Lately life hasn't brought me much luck so it's time to just step back from it all and just hope something comes along when I don't expect it. I'm just tired of it. Tired of feeling like the only one that life wants to screw over. I know that's not true by any means but you know how it is. You get into that funk and you feel like it's only happening to you.

And even right now I know what I want to write and I know what I want to vent about but...I don't want to. Part of me just doesn't want to fall into that self pity and let it out. I don't know if that makes any sense but to me it does. It's almost like if I put it all into words and really get into it the way I'm feeling inside right now...it'll just give me more reason to stick to it and fall into it. I just don't want to have to wait anymore and be the patient one. I mean afterall good things come to those who wait or so I've been told. I want it to be my time already. I want to be the one that other people look at and envy for what I have. I'm just tired of the ones I want not wanting me and the ones I don't want...well those are the ones that want me. My family always wonders why I don't have a man in my life and stuff. Um maybe it's because I'm trying not to settle just for anyone. Maybe it's because so far things haven't matched up in life. The connection between me and guys hasn't been right. I guess for now I'll just have to keep being patient and believe that eventually my time will come.