Good but rough night....

Yep that sums up last night. I had a blast hanging out with Gracie, Cris and their friends but in the end it was still a slightly rough night for me. The alcohol lowered my guard and in the end I couldn't help it. See we all ended up going to this bar called Backstreet. It was my 2nd time at the bar. The last time I was there was almost exactly 2 years ago which is a little freaky. My one friend and I had a makeup softball game on a Sunday and afterwards we were hitting Backstreet because at the time my friend Kim was dating this guy named Jason. So Kim, Crystal and I hit the bar. Jason's friends were doing this name that tune game which was pretty cool. We went, we partied and this one guy caught my eye. I won't babble too much about that whole night and went happened. If ya wanna know...contact me and I'll tell ya. I ended up going up to him and talking to him thanks to Kim and we just kind of hit it off. All of us ended up going to Jason's house to watch a movie and just hang out along with 2 other friends of Jason's. Crystal had left before all of this. Long story short everyone else left and Troy (that was the guy I met) and I ended up just laying next to each other talking all night. Well until Kim finally woke up and decided we had to go to work. LOL I was already late so I didn't care either way.

We left and I never thought I'd hear from him again. 2 days later Kim called my house and was like okay I just talked to Jason and he had talked to Troy and Troy wants to see you again. Off I went to pick up Kim and then met them. We all ended up hitting a bar and almost the same situation happened with us just talking all night. I felt so comfortable around him right away which was rare for me. There was no awkward silence or anything like that. I couldn't help but smile so much thinking of him. We were kind of involved with each other in some sort of way for a while and then things changed. Which yeah I don't want to write about in here either because let's just say it didn't go the way I wanted.

Soo onto last night...that was my first time being back in that bar since he walked into my life. Of course my mind flashed back to that night and all the time I spent around him. I remembered that night and how it played out. It hurt. The only good thing was I knew his life is going so well for him in a lot of ways and because he is such a great person I'm happy to know that. I wouldn't wish any bad on him despite all that went down.

I ended up coming home and sending him a drunken email. I needed to apologize to him because when he moved away I did some things that I knew were wrong. See I was hurting from our situation and I couldn't deal with him being in my life or not being in my life. I figured the best thing for me would be to make him get to a point where he cut off ties with me. This way if I slipped up and tried to call or email...he'd ignore me and it would be easier to move on. It was stupid of me, but at the time I thought it was right. I do miss him and to some extent I still do love him because I hadn't felt like that about any other guy. I'm sure in time I will...but it still meant something to me with him having come into my life. So that was my night...good and bad, but something that needed to happen I guess.