Fighting off a cold....
Actually I'm not even sure it's a cold that I'm fighting off right now because I'm not really coughing and my head feels okay for the most part. The only thing really bothering me is my throat is sore. Yeah, yeah I know...stay home for once and get some sleep that might help, right? But hey winter is coming up which means soon I'll be doing that because I won't be driving all over the place when it starts snowing. That'll be a good thing for my pocket. Haha!! Even if I do get a dang good hook up at the one BW3 we go to all the time.
Speaking of that...Friday was a little insane. At one point somehow I was trying to help calm someone down who wanted to fight because someone bumped into them. No clue who it was or anything. I mean the one guy we slightly knew but it was still stupid. I was like what the hell am I doing involved in this? Really I only got involved because he was way too close to where I was and if he had started to go off he might have hit me. But then it almost took a bad turn cause Tim was looking on like what the heck is going on and this dude almost started getting ticked off at Tim and was like what the hell are you looking at. I was like dude don't even try to start anything with him. See Tim's about maybe 5'7 and all of about 140 some pounds, so he's not a very big dude at all. Tim's got a lot of heart but even he'd tell you that he won't be able to do a lot in a fight. The other guy was at least 5'11 if not taller and probably at least 180 if not more. But it wouldn't have mattered because there was one thing stopping him from getting near Tim and that was me. I was between those two. Plus I was trying to be nice and save this guy from getting thrown out of the bar but even I was getting tired of him so I kind of glanced over at some of the bouncers we know and after another minute or two they came over and basically told him he needed to leave since he still didn't want to calm down. It's like you're this pissed because someone bumped you?? And supposedly he wasn't drunk and only had 2 beers and 2 shots yet was swaying all over the place. I think the full moon was in effect that night. Saturday we just kind of laid back and stayed at the bar near my house and sat around talking and playing Golden Tee. I kind of needed a laid back night.
It was a crazy week at work so that's why I needed it. In fact I think that's why I didn't feel good today and had to call off. I busted my ass last week trying to get this report done. See normally I have the entire month to get 1200 files done but for a bunch of reasons we had only done about like 100 or so on it. The last week (mind you we had Thursday off) and I didn't get back on the report until some time late on Monday I did the rest of the 1200. So I know I impressed my big boss and that's a good thing for me. In fact I'm still not feeling good. I've got a bit of a migraine and just feel a little sick to my stomach so I think I'm going to wrap this up and crawl back into bed. Oh in case I never mentioned it...my friend Nikki did end up dying my hair that one night and it came out awesome. I love the hair color. It's actually like two shades of brown together and it looks great.
Talk about the opposite of last weekend....
Today has not be a good day for me at all. Of course the fact that I have yet to really go to sleep probably isn't helping at all. I slept like crap Friday night which should have been a sign to me that something was up and then the dream I did have was kind of more like a nightmare, well for me anyway. That's what Saturday was, well part of it. My circle of life has come around to that part I hate once again. And I'm back on the path of trying to mend a broken heart. You know how that goes. Wondering what (if anything) could have been done differently. And with my mind that's a millon times worse in fact that's why I'm not in bed right now. I can't sleep. I've tried to close my eyes but it's a flood of memories and thoughts and just so much stuff hitting me at once that I can't take it. I'm wearing out the one song on the CD too. It's Brandy's song and it's called Tomorrow. I can say I've honestly listened to it probably over 100 times today. And what makes today even better is that I'm fighting a nice cold and my ears keep getting stuffed up and I can barely breath and my throat is bothering me a little. I don't think crying helps any of that either.
You know I just keep wondering when it's going to be my time. I see so many other people happy in relationships or marriages and I'm still struggling to find anything. Am I that bad? Haha! Sorry but have to throw a little humor out there. I look at how happy Nikki and Joe are and I envy that so much. I just seem to be the tease. Life loves to tease me and I'll tell you what along with racist people...I've now added people who play mind games to my list of things I hate. It's like life sucks enough on it's own and can be hard enough...don't make it worse on me by playing with my mind and my emotions. I'm not a bad person. I could maybe understand that if I was some bitch that deserved it but I'm far from that. Maybe this whole situation is another learning lesson for me to learn that although it may be scary to open up to someone and tell them just exactly how you feel...it's better to do it then wait and see them run off to someone else. I should be a genius with all the lessons I learn the hard way. Although if I was a genius my ass would be in bed since getting sick and getting no sleep is not a good combination at all. Although I can sleep in Thursday! But will that matter since I'll probably be up past like 2:30 the night before?? So where do I stand now? I'm definitely not looking for any relationship right now cause this situation right now...ouch. Gotta get over it first before I can even attempt to put my heart back out there again.
But hey no worries...I'll make it through this. I always do some how even when I think a situation has gotten me beat I seem to find a way through whether it's own my own or with the help of my friends. As the saying goes...it just wasn't meant to be no matter what I thought or felt. Maybe that's another lesson...stop trusting myself. LOL Is that possible?? Okay I'm off to try and get some sleep even if I have to take a sleeping pill to make me a bit drowsy.
Yep another year older...
Yep I'm another year older and I do feel it a little. Then again this past weekend has caught up with me. What did I do. Thursday I went out and honestly I can't even remember what time I got home. I don't think I closed out the bar but close to it. Friday definitely close out the bar and then sat around Tim's house talking to him and Josh until about 6:30 in the morning when I finally said enough was enough and went to bed. I got back up around 11:15. Smart huh?? Saturday was just a blur and by 6 I was getting ready to head back to another bar for my one softball team's like end of the season party so it was back to drinking again. Left that party and headed to a bar near my house and sat around with Josh and 2 of my brothers just talking and chatting. Tim showed up and then my friend John showed up. Hmm, girls are bad at showing up considering all the girls flaked out. I was pretty hammered that night. Made a porn store run since Tim wanted to stop there and always forgets how to get there from Panini's. LOL After that I got to see SFB since he's back in town for his R&R and we just...hung out...for a few hours. Then I went to softball and did that for a while. Then Sunday was out for a little bit more and going to a wrestling show with my dad and Josh. Then Monday was supposed to be chilling and winding down but Josh's bus got changed so he wasn't leaving till Tuesday so bright me decided to hit a bar again. Haha! We stayed at the bar till about 1 and then went to a strip club for whatever reason. {shrugs} When other people are buying the drinks it's a little hard to complain plus I'm comfortable with my sexuality to be in a strip club and not be freaked out. Then I went home and crashed at about 3.
You can see why I'm tired now. And guess what??? Yep in about 2 hours or so I'll be heading to the bar again. But I won't be drinking much since I got work tomorrow morning. Then hitting the Grid tomorrow night with Tim, maybe Nikki and Joe and maybe SFB. I need a nap but there's no time for one and that's not a good thing. See when I get overtired that's when it becomes a problem for me because my mind just plays with me. And right now it's doing just that. But I won't get into that especially since I know it's from being overtired. I try not to really put my thoughts to words until I know there's some truth behind it.
Well I was going to write more but...I really don't have the energy too and I need to do some more things before I head out tonight. Plus I want to think some things through some more.
Countdown till 25
What do you do when someone in your life doesn't seem the same anymore? Or you can't really get them to talk to you? I mean you can't force anyone to talk to you. Sadly I'm getting bad vibes about a friendship that means a good deal to me but I don't know what to do about it since the other person isn't really speaking. But I'm trying to be patient because maybe I'm just jumping the gun...
So...7 days till I'm 25.
6 days till I'll be heading to a wrestling event with one of my best friends and my dad as well as hitting a bar beforehand...should be interesting
5 days till I hit a local bar with close friends and a lot of family.
4 days till I'm probably too drunk to really remember much of the night except that I'll know a lot of people who care about me will be there helping me celebrate my birthday and even the bartenders, DJ, and bouncers are looking forward to my birthday. :) Go me.
3 days till we start getting the party going with the usual Thursday night out.
2 days till...well I guess the middle of the week
1 day till I dye my hair dark. Here's to crossing fingers and hoping I like the way it looks since my friend Nikki picked out the color.
O days...I'm outta here for now cause my mood is not the greatest.
Small correction...
I realized I have to make a correction from my little 411 entry. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote the part about my love life. The other day something sparked in my mind and I went back to read it again and realized I was kind of out of my mind when I wrote it. The one bouncer is into me true...but it's one sided cause I don't want him. You could say a lot of my love life (if you call it that) is a lot of flirting with some guys I know. It's all just harmless playful flirting. Which is probably for the best since there's someone else that truly has my main interest, but then again that person isn't around right now. Not sure that would matter though since I have to respect the fact that he sees us as just friends. Do I wish he thought differently? Yeah I do but I'll settle for him being a part of my life as a friend because he's a great person and we have a lot of fun when we're around each other or talking to one another. It's kind of like that saying goes about how you'd rather have someone in your life as a friend then not have them in your life at all.
But my love life is one that I keep finding myself in situations where for one reason or another it just never goes anywhere. I don't know if I end up doing something to screw up my chances or what. Maybe it's just that the timing is never right. At times I've found those people that seem to think I'm too good for them (which sidenote to people who may think that in their lives about someone who is into them...there is no such thing! You always deserve the best so go for it!!). Or I get those ones that are into me and I'm just like yeah thanks but I'll keep looking. Or then there are those situations that you just can't figure out what the heck is up and why it's not working out for whatever reason.
So right now I'm single and just trying to enjoy life and pass the time until that right person comes into my life or the time becomes right for it work if that person is already a part of my life. Because you never know. I mean the right person could already be someone in your life that you pass on a daily basis it just might not be the right time yet. So for now we'll just keep doing what we do best...being me.
